Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Delusional Pressure

Every day the same routine of waking up too early to perform exercises I would rather not do so I am able to each junk food that I should not be eating, and then spending a third of my day at a job where I only wish capital punishment was at times legal. My day is then spent wishing and praying for Friday while hoping I can keep my mouth shut and not get in any trouble at work before Friday. I get home and spend some time with my kids jumping on a trampoline and making every attempt to not break my neck. My dogs keep bugging me to take them for a walk but I choose not to as every dog in the neighborhood will bark. Not sure why my neighbors cannot have obedient dogs like mine. Again I think about the capital punishment thoughts racing through my head. For the most part the days begin to blend as each day becomes routine. Weekends are spent with my wife and kids doing the typical family weekend stuff such as grocery shopping, recycle garbage, and the ever fun house cleaning chores. Living with a teenager I deal with for some reason my house is the hangout and apparently my refrigerator is now the community refrigerator. I have kids everywhere and all I can think about is how I can put them to work around my house where only then they are useful to me. Sounds like a drag of repeated dullness that often times creates a need of crazy thoughts that tells the most grounded man that a change is required. After all, change is part of our life correct? We see it at work, in our neighborhood, and the items we buy. Style changes, trends change, and if we are not changing then we are out-of-date. However, unnecessary change causes unnecessary pressure. Change is good but change is also bad as well. Not all change is good. It is funny how you want the change as you are living in the moment but once the moment changes, the actual change is empty. For instance, my kids are with the in-laws for several weeks. My daily routine is no longer intact. This is what I have thought about for so long the freedom to do what I want and to make changes to provide a little more “me time.” Without all the chaos in the house my home is no longer my sanctuary. It is an abandon building I am occupying with my wife. Then the obvious happens, I actually miss the routine I once thought was a repeated dullness that plagued me. I realized it is a blessing in disguise as I have to create noise and chaos in my home. Since my kids are not around to aggravate and play with I project all that on my wife who appreciates my attention but not my adolescent pranks that my kids and their friends find funny. What a relief once you remove the pressure self-created due to your own delusions. I actually have an awesome life as many out there. My daydreaming of saving the world will continue, my wild dreams of owning a home right on a river where I fish and hike all day will continue to fill my head, my creativity and things that make me laugh like playing pranks on the kids will continue to happen, but I know now the only pressure I have is the one I create that will keep me oppressed if I let it, and once again I think about capital punishment but this time for me now…